As much as I enjoy the playful mocking of my female friends and the actual man-dates that I go on (not to be confused with mandates, wordplay!), I, and I'm pretty sure every guy I "man-date" with, would prefer to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, with romantic intentions, long term implications, and all those other idealistic good stuff. Not to say that there's a shortage of quality women out there, there's just a shortage of quality women that want to date us.
These man-dates are therapeutic. Misery loves company. No one wants to be alone. You could say they're beneficial because it forces guys to socialize, perhaps not on an intimate level, but you'd be surprised how many guys could use some help on the ground floor. Unfortunately, these "dates" don't necessarily give guys any insight on how to act during a real date, since interacting with a guy is much different than a girl. If anything, these "dates" are just exercises in arrested development, activities that guys miss when they're monogamous and committed, like eating shrimp by the pound and going to the batting cages afterwards.
I've found that many singles, both male and female, fall into one of five categories: never been in a relationship, have unrealistic expectations, "my clock is ticking", "I'm never going to find someone", and all of the above. Regardless of how many categories you fall into, one thing is clear. It's nice to have a support group that feels your pain. I'm not the leader of my support group, and I'm pretty sure he would prefer I not use his name, so we'll just call him Graham.
Graham is older than myself and most of the guys that we hang out with. I respect him and I guess you could even say that I find him wise. Of course, you could also make the joke that he isn't wise enough, or he wouldn't be single (or does that make him more wise?) We've established a pretty good friendship over many meals (the only foundation for a friendship, in my opinion). Probably the most important thing he's taught me, is not about girls at all, but about a street in Garden Grove named Bolsa Ave.
I've lived in Orange County for 5 years now (9, if you count college), and it wasn't until last year that I started to frequent this little niche, also known as Little Saigon. I'd previously known Little Saigon existed, I just didn't really know anyone who frequented the area much, and it's not really an area that you want to frequent alone, especially if you're not Vietnamese. It's like any ethnic area; if you can't read the signs, it's really intimidating.
So I have Graham as a guide, and fortunately he's a foodie. So we've hit a lot of the "hidden gems" within this area. From some of the best pho I've ever had, to delicious soft shell crab, we've pretty much had it all. I've had some things that you can't get anywhere else, like sugarcane juice and have enjoyed the adventure, going from place to place, not being able to read some of the menus, and wondering about the hygeine of these small hole in the walls. One night we met up with some friends at a French Vietnamese restaurant.
Forunately, I'm not the jealous type. Unfortunately for Graham, some of the other guys we know are. While reminicing about this restaurant, it was discovered that Graham has taken many a man-date here. I believe one of the guys (who's in a long term relationship) said "I thought this was OUR place" and a couple of guys argued whether their first time was before some other guy's first time. Since I was new to the group, or brotherhood, if you will, I didn't really care, and didn't feel any particular attachment to the restuarant. The food was great, the service was ample, but like I said, I'm not the jealous type. I didn't need to have a "special place" with Graham since I know that the second I find that special someone, Graham will be left in the dust. We will still hang out, just not as frequently, and I know he won't take it personally because he'd do the same thing to me.
He provides a great service for us younger single men. He keeps us from wallowing in self pity and keeps us from overdosing on XBox 360 online. He shows us the places that we will take our girlfriends in the future to and hears us out on our gripes about the girls we're chasing. Hopefully he'll find that girl that takes him out of this brotherhood. He will be missed and I'm sure some guys will even regret never getting to go on a man-date with Graham, but if you really think about it, the instant you enter the brotherhood, you start to immediately think about how you're going to get out.
These man-dates are therapeutic. Misery loves company. No one wants to be alone. You could say they're beneficial because it forces guys to socialize, perhaps not on an intimate level, but you'd be surprised how many guys could use some help on the ground floor. Unfortunately, these "dates" don't necessarily give guys any insight on how to act during a real date, since interacting with a guy is much different than a girl. If anything, these "dates" are just exercises in arrested development, activities that guys miss when they're monogamous and committed, like eating shrimp by the pound and going to the batting cages afterwards.
I've found that many singles, both male and female, fall into one of five categories: never been in a relationship, have unrealistic expectations, "my clock is ticking", "I'm never going to find someone", and all of the above. Regardless of how many categories you fall into, one thing is clear. It's nice to have a support group that feels your pain. I'm not the leader of my support group, and I'm pretty sure he would prefer I not use his name, so we'll just call him Graham.
Graham is older than myself and most of the guys that we hang out with. I respect him and I guess you could even say that I find him wise. Of course, you could also make the joke that he isn't wise enough, or he wouldn't be single (or does that make him more wise?) We've established a pretty good friendship over many meals (the only foundation for a friendship, in my opinion). Probably the most important thing he's taught me, is not about girls at all, but about a street in Garden Grove named Bolsa Ave.
I've lived in Orange County for 5 years now (9, if you count college), and it wasn't until last year that I started to frequent this little niche, also known as Little Saigon. I'd previously known Little Saigon existed, I just didn't really know anyone who frequented the area much, and it's not really an area that you want to frequent alone, especially if you're not Vietnamese. It's like any ethnic area; if you can't read the signs, it's really intimidating.
So I have Graham as a guide, and fortunately he's a foodie. So we've hit a lot of the "hidden gems" within this area. From some of the best pho I've ever had, to delicious soft shell crab, we've pretty much had it all. I've had some things that you can't get anywhere else, like sugarcane juice and have enjoyed the adventure, going from place to place, not being able to read some of the menus, and wondering about the hygeine of these small hole in the walls. One night we met up with some friends at a French Vietnamese restaurant.
Forunately, I'm not the jealous type. Unfortunately for Graham, some of the other guys we know are. While reminicing about this restaurant, it was discovered that Graham has taken many a man-date here. I believe one of the guys (who's in a long term relationship) said "I thought this was OUR place" and a couple of guys argued whether their first time was before some other guy's first time. Since I was new to the group, or brotherhood, if you will, I didn't really care, and didn't feel any particular attachment to the restuarant. The food was great, the service was ample, but like I said, I'm not the jealous type. I didn't need to have a "special place" with Graham since I know that the second I find that special someone, Graham will be left in the dust. We will still hang out, just not as frequently, and I know he won't take it personally because he'd do the same thing to me.
He provides a great service for us younger single men. He keeps us from wallowing in self pity and keeps us from overdosing on XBox 360 online. He shows us the places that we will take our girlfriends in the future to and hears us out on our gripes about the girls we're chasing. Hopefully he'll find that girl that takes him out of this brotherhood. He will be missed and I'm sure some guys will even regret never getting to go on a man-date with Graham, but if you really think about it, the instant you enter the brotherhood, you start to immediately think about how you're going to get out.
1 comment:
I just hope "Graham" doesn't take a girl there, thinks it's special and then finds out that he takes all his guy friends there. Then goes to get a pound of shrimp as an after-dinner snack.
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