That Other Part of My Brain

Being in the IT Field, with a film background is pretty strange. They seem to be on opposite sides of the spectrum upon first glance, and second glance, and perhaps upon every glance. I really feel like an IT fraud. I got my first full time IT job after a 13 months of working at the Apple Store, without a single certification or degree. I had done some tech support work working for my college but that was part time and very basic stuff.

I got hired because I told them I could install RAM and therefore could probably take apart the rest of a computer (mostly true). After getting hired, I passed a couple of certification tests (which don't really help you learn to take apart a computer) and I guess I became legitimate and therefore thrust me into an identity crisis.

Now I typically enjoy computer tech stuff, don't get me wrong. I like taking apart computers, putting in new parts, and what have you. I even enjoy troubleshooting software issues, but the sticking point is helping people with the same mundane things everyday, where the most common solution is to tell someone to restart their computer and everything will probably right itself.

A new development in my list of tasks has come about lately. I've been asked to write some scripts, and I don't mean film or TV scripts (which would truly make me happy). I've been asked to program and this is something I have really no experience in. It's been a challenge and it's definitely give me a mental workout. Of course, that was until I just started looking on the internet for already created scripts that would save my boss and I a lot of time (he doesn't care if I actually create the scripts, he just needs them).

This new script making task has gotten me down on myself. Not just because I'm terrible at it, but because I feel like I'm slowly being consumed by this tech industry that I vowed to only work in until I got my big break. I haven't sold a screenplay, I haven't left Orange County, and all my work experience has to do with fixing Macs. It's a slippery slope and I realize that I'm going to have to try to get out sooner or later or just accept that this is my life. No amount of decadent designer clothes is going to be able to convince me that I'm not "one of them".

Soon I'm going to be a programmer who feels winded when he tries to use his creative side of the brain. This is not a knee jerk reaction, but a reality that I've slowly started to create for myself over the past few years.