The Divine Secrets of the Bolsa Brotherhood

A few months back, Jessica asked me what my weekend plans were. I reminded her that I was going to the Of Montreal/Health concert on Saturday. "Oh, that's right, you're going with your boyfriend" she replied. I was confused, not because I didn't understand that she was making a joke, I was confused by who she was "implying" was my boyfriend. I wasn't going with Chris, or Long, I was going with Sherlan. Then I realized, she was indeed implying Sherlan.

As much as I enjoy the playful mocking of my female friends and the actual man-dates that I go on (not to be confused with mandates, wordplay!), I, and I'm pretty sure every guy I "man-date" with, would prefer to go on a date with someone of the opposite sex, with romantic intentions, long term implications, and all those other idealistic good stuff. Not to say that there's a shortage of quality women out there, there's just a shortage of quality women that want to date us.

These man-dates are therapeutic. Misery loves company. No one wants to be alone. You could say they're beneficial because it forces guys to socialize, perhaps not on an intimate level, but you'd be surprised how many guys could use some help on the ground floor. Unfortunately, these "dates" don't necessarily give guys any insight on how to act during a real date, since interacting with a guy is much different than a girl. If anything, these "dates" are just exercises in arrested development, activities that guys miss when they're monogamous and committed, like eating shrimp by the pound and going to the batting cages afterwards.

I've found that many singles, both male and female, fall into one of five categories: never been in a relationship, have unrealistic expectations, "my clock is ticking", "I'm never going to find someone", and all of the above. Regardless of how many categories you fall into, one thing is clear. It's nice to have a support group that feels your pain. I'm not the leader of my support group, and I'm pretty sure he would prefer I not use his name, so we'll just call him Graham.

Graham is older than myself and most of the guys that we hang out with. I respect him and I guess you could even say that I find him wise. Of course, you could also make the joke that he isn't wise enough, or he wouldn't be single (or does that make him more wise?) We've established a pretty good friendship over many meals (the only foundation for a friendship, in my opinion). Probably the most important thing he's taught me, is not about girls at all, but about a street in Garden Grove named Bolsa Ave.

I've lived in Orange County for 5 years now (9, if you count college), and it wasn't until last year that I started to frequent this little niche, also known as Little Saigon. I'd previously known Little Saigon existed, I just didn't really know anyone who frequented the area much, and it's not really an area that you want to frequent alone, especially if you're not Vietnamese. It's like any ethnic area; if you can't read the signs, it's really intimidating.

So I have Graham as a guide, and fortunately he's a foodie. So we've hit a lot of the "hidden gems" within this area. From some of the best pho I've ever had, to delicious soft shell crab, we've pretty much had it all. I've had some things that you can't get anywhere else, like sugarcane juice and have enjoyed the adventure, going from place to place, not being able to read some of the menus, and wondering about the hygeine of these small hole in the walls. One night we met up with some friends at a French Vietnamese restaurant.

Forunately, I'm not the jealous type. Unfortunately for Graham, some of the other guys we know are. While reminicing about this restaurant, it was discovered that Graham has taken many a man-date here. I believe one of the guys (who's in a long term relationship) said "I thought this was OUR place" and a couple of guys argued whether their first time was before some other guy's first time. Since I was new to the group, or brotherhood, if you will, I didn't really care, and didn't feel any particular attachment to the restuarant. The food was great, the service was ample, but like I said, I'm not the jealous type. I didn't need to have a "special place" with Graham since I know that the second I find that special someone, Graham will be left in the dust. We will still hang out, just not as frequently, and I know he won't take it personally because he'd do the same thing to me.

He provides a great service for us younger single men. He keeps us from wallowing in self pity and keeps us from overdosing on XBox 360 online. He shows us the places that we will take our girlfriends in the future to and hears us out on our gripes about the girls we're chasing. Hopefully he'll find that girl that takes him out of this brotherhood. He will be missed and I'm sure some guys will even regret never getting to go on a man-date with Graham, but if you really think about it, the instant you enter the brotherhood, you start to immediately think about how you're going to get out.

For the Love of the (Video) Game

I can understand why sports video games leave certain things out.  We don't need to see play stopped because some fan threw a beach ball into the outfield or watch some guy mop up the floor after a guy takes a charge on the basketball court.  Do these things happen?  Yes.  Do they happen pretty often?  Yup.  Do I miss them when I'm playing a video game?  Not at all.  These are things that only a hardcore sports fan thinks about, but I think the majority of us (yes, I love my sports, but not too much...) are fine with these omissions.  These are artificial things that don't really affect the players, physically, emotionally, or psychologically.  Unfortunately, there are things that are omitted from the games that do effect players on the emotional and psychological level.  Do I feel like they need to be in the game?  Yes.  Why?  Because it definitely effects the people playing the game, as it would in real life.

I was playing Mario Baseball against my friend, who owned the game and the Game Cube.  I realize this is a very unrealistic version of baseball, but it's still grounded in the rules and strategies of baseball.   I know there are special trick pitches and "star" swings that automatically hit home runs if you hit the ball, but you can still use hit and runs, and more importantly play mind games with the opposing manager (my friend).

For some reason my friend would always pick at least one of the Baby Mario characters and one of the female characters (Daisy or Peach).  I say this not because I think women and children are terrible at baseball, I say it because I care my friend never seems to learn his lesson.  I would always pick Waluigi (because I value pitching over hitting, like a real baseball fan) and a bunch of adult male baddies.  If my friend would gain some momentum while batting (getting a couple of guys on base), and one of the aforementioned characters would come up to bat (Peach, Daisy, Toadette, Baby Mario, Baby Luigi), I'd immediately bean them with a fastball on the first pitch of the at bat.  While this gives the batter a free base (like a walk), it really would infuriate my friend.  He would be so filled with rage that he wouldn't be able to concentrate, and I'd be able to strike a couple of his batters out, if not all of them.  Am I playing "dirty"?  Sure.  But what do I care?  I'm the bad guys anyways.  And even if I wasn't, this is baseball and this is what happens.  When a guy hits a home run, you bean him the next time he's up.  You send a message.  

The basketball equivalent to beaning a batter is to commit a "hard foul" or a flagrant foul.  Either way you're looking to send a message.  In video games, there is no way to differentiate a hard foul from a regular one (not sure about flagrant).  So in basketball video games, I use the Hack-a-Shaq technique on my friends when one of their players seems to be on some sort of hot streak.  If you're not familiar with this strategy, it became famous in the earlier part of this decade when teams would foul Shaquille O'Neal every time he touched the ball (in the fourth quarter especially), forcing him to shoot free throws.  O'Neal was a terrible free throw shooter so it often was a better alternative than letting him score at will.  In a video game, I don't need to be playing a friend that has Shaq on his team.  I will foul whoever their best player is and force them to shoot free throws, not because they're less likely to score, but because it'll cause my friends to get frustrated.  Either they'll start missing free throws because of its tedious nature, or they'll start launching terrible shots trying to beat my foul.  Either way, it gives me a chance to get back into the game.  

Of course there are times where I don't get to play against friends, so that means I'm playing against the computer or someone who doesn't understand the hilarity of my mind games.  Honestly, my friends don't care too much when I do it, they're as angry as they are serious about the trash they talk.  Unfortunately,  I've met people (usually kids) who like to play games with the sole intention of whaling on their opponent.  They refuse to play other games and they're just brats in general.  They take any enjoyment out of the game with their piss poor attitudes and they really like to rub it in.  They think winning 10-0 is more entertaining than being in a tight game with both players on edge of their seat.  This is why I'm sad that the Mutant League Franchise of the mid 90s failed.  In a Mutant League video game, if a kid was running up the score on you, you could just try destroying his team to make him forfeit.  Getting frustrated? Take out the ref.  No matter how far behind you are, there's always a way to win or do at least go down swinging.  Maybe the games of today could learn something from that defunct franchise to teach the children of today.  It's not if you win or lose, it's literally how you play the game.

My Issues With Averman (and the Rest of the Mighty Ducks)

There is something special about a TV or movie character that grew up/lives in the same area as you.  I'm not talking about the actor playing the character (while that is nice as well), but the actual character on screen.  There's a strange kind of validation and this is not specific to the small town folk.  At a screening of Anchorman in San Diego, I saw the audience erupt in laughter as Will Farrell tried to convince Christina Applegate that San Diego meant whale's vagina in German.

I saw Anchorman twice in the theaters (once in San Diego, once in Irvine), and while the joke got laughs both times, I could tell that the San Diego crowd appreciated the joke a lot more.  It was almost as if the laughter beamed "he's talking about us!"  I think sitting with the hometown audience actually made the experience more enjoyable.  To see a movie taking place in San Diego with the local folk (even though San Diego is a population of 1 million plus) is pretty surreal.

Unfortunately movies often perpetuate stereotypes, which kind of kills that enjoyable hometown experience.  Anchorman takes place in San Diego but doesn't make fun of San Diego.  Fargo, on the other hand, takes place in Minnesota and gives their characters the Minnesota "accent".  It's ironic that Fargo makes Minnesotans look ridiculous since Joel and Ethan Coen, the writers and directors of the film (whom I love dearly), are both from Minnesota.  I don't believe that their intent was to ridicule Minnesota or show how all Minnesotans talk, but as a result of the film, this is one of the first misconceptions about Minnesota that I need to fix whenever I meet someone who wants to know where I'm from.  Don't get me wrong, I love the movie, and I blame this annoyance on the viewers not being able to discern fact from fiction, not on the Coens.

This leads me to The Mighty Ducks, a film that I have a strange connection with.  It was aimed at me in so many different ways.  I was a kid, I was from Minnesota (where the movie takes place), and I loved hockey.  So on paper this movie was heaven on earth for me, but actually things get kind of complicated (Flying V's and triple deeks aside).  

I love the underdog story, I love the fact that they make allusions to the good team being from Edina (one of the richest cities in America, people say Edina stands for Every Day I Need Allowance), and I love the fact that they make pee-wee hockey seem like it's broadcast TV worthy (not a huge stretch, high school hockey is amazing in Minnesota), but there are two things that stick out like a sore thumb.  The Minnesota North Stars in which they attend, and the fact that Les Averman is from Brooklyn Park.

I was a huge Minnesota North Stars fan and I believe this was the last game of theirs I saw before their movie to Dallas.  It was a game against the Hartford Whalers.  It was the game the kids attended in the movie, which we were told at the time was going to be titled Bombay.  The North Stars ended up losing the game in the waning seconds after Adam Burt flipped a shot over Jon Casey off of a face off with about 4 seconds left.  It left a bad taste in my mouth and I have to relive that every time I watch the movie.  They conveniently left out the heartbreaking end of that game.

Les Averman is probably the only kid in the movie that I don't like and I don't like him at all.  At then end of the film the kids all say where they're from.  I was hoping to hear Brooklyn Park, but I was hoping to hear it from someone else, not Averman.  A lot of the kids improve in the film or start to stick up for themselves, but not this kids.  He's just dead weight who tells bad jokes.  I wasn't expecting Charlie Conway (Joshua Jackson) to be from Brooklyn Park, but I was hoping we'd get represented by someone who I didn't think was completely lame.  Fortunately I haven't received any criticism from anyone comparing me to him since we're from "the same place".  

Currently I reside in a weird place, Southern Orange County.  There have been plenty of TV shows, fictional and reality and movies about this specific location, but I have no connection either way.  Perhaps it's because I called Minnesota and San Diego home, while I call South OC just a temporary place live.